Contrast.

Today has been a day of contrast.

If my life were a painting today would be chiaroscuro. (yes, mom, that was included just for you.)

I walked up the hill, on purpose. I could have made it to the bus, if I had hurried. But I was just enjoying being alive to much to bother with running to the bus, with practical thoughts like I might be late. The exercise seemed inviting (yes this is still me talking) and even if I could have been bothered with the hurry to the bus, I preferred the sensation of the cold, snowy air on my face competing with the slightly warmer than usual temperature my body created as I determinedly climbed the hill. I love that feeling. Sometimes, when I'm driving I turn the heater on full blast and roll down the windows just enough to get the air circulating. That feeling always makes me glad to be alive, and glad that I can feel both.

That was how my morning felt. I was so relaxed and contented with everything. With the fact that I can listen to music, and even sing along, while I got ready for the day. Slightly overwhelmed by all the beauty of the melting snow, and the leaves, and the branches, and the people, and the fog, and just life. But just content to absorb as much of it as I could handle. I was so happy knowing that I am loved by family and friends and most of all my Savior--whose love I count on to get me through every day, that I have a mind that works, that my shoes kept my toes warm, and that I could be aware of all of the good things I have to be grateful for.

Not five minutes later I was overwhelmed by frustration (overwhelmed in the sense that it blocked out my ability to see all the emotions I had been floating in not five minutes earlier). Frustration at my own weaknesses and at situations of my own creation. Frustrated at the fact that I was frustrated.

But right now I am glad that I had that walk up the hill. To put into proper perspective this feeling with the feelings before it. That both mix together and create the wonderful contrast of life for which I am grateful. While I appreciate the beautiful moments and warm feelings, the are much more striking and significant in contrast with the unpleasant. And in that role, the unpleasant takes on a kind of gorgeousness of its own.