Dear Blogger.com,

Since you are my audience I guess I will speak to you.

I was working on some New Year's resolutions (number one being deciding on what my real resolutions for the year are going to be and how I am going to work on accomplishing them) and as a result I am thinking about some sad and happy thoughts from the past which, as always, affect the future. So, working backwards on that list aka starting with the thoughts, I am happy that I am friends with my mom. Not just my mom as in the figure who fills the role of my mother (though I am glad for that too) but my as in the individual named Amy Lofgreen that I happen to know as mom who always stays in touch with the Spirit enough to second things that I think might be the Spirit, to give me that little push that I need to get off my butt and do the things that I have already thought about doing. This time the little push that I needed was to get back in contact with someone long gone. At the time, I didn't handle things between us very well. And it still makes me sad that I was such a... well... jerk. The regret of the person that I was (and still am I guess since I haven't apologized) still makes me sad from time to time, and clearing things up would make me feel better. Just knowing that I at least tried to make things right, and that there isn't anyone out there in the world that I wronged so grieveously and then just dropped. I am sad that it has taken me so long to admit that its something that I am still sad about. Regret lasts, my mom said. And it has lasted. Maybe if I can remove some of the regret, if I honestly do everything that I can, other, better forces can overcome the regret I can't seem to shake.

Well, I'm rambling a bit again.

Remembering this situation makes me doubly grateful for my mom. Through all of the mistakes I made with this person, mostly the result of trying to figure everything out myself ("MYSELF!" has been my trademark sinch birth-- you think I would have learned by now), the silver lining that came of it was me meeting my mom--the individual. I had to sink down really low away from every one else in the world to find out that we were really best friends, and that she (in the divine role of my mother) had most of the answers that I was looking for.