An explosion of thought because I have been holding it back for so long...

exhibit a: the length of the title of this post.
exhibit b: the length of this post (I'm anticipating great length.)

First off. It's been awhile.
Anytime I have a good thought of something I should do and make an intention to do it. Particularly if it's just something good that I should be doing on my own and not something that has any clear effect on another person.* I suddenly have a hard time following through with that thing. Even if its something that, up until my decision to become better at it, I did fairly regularly.
Basically, this is my excuse for not having written much in the last little while. Quite feeble, but there it is.

In institute, we were talking about gifts and talents. This is something I have been thinking about a lot this year, in a good and a bad way. I have been thinking a lot about them, and so I feel like I have learned at least a little bit. I understand a little better that they are given to us for the purpose of helping each other and not for our own benefit. God has every gift that we can imagine and more. But He uses them all, and spends all of His thoughts and all of His time, in helping us. Its a bad thing because I am really focused on what my talents are and rather than just meeting with the mindset of getting to know all the wonderful things about that person, I often find myself trying to pick out some way that I can help them. And somehow I have made it about me again. I just need to not stress so much and just enjoy the people around me. I wrote (while free writing) about how my mom seems to be always able help people and to know how to help people. But I also noted that she honestly cares about the person. The difference is that she spent her time with them learning how to love them, and that led her to be able use her talents to help them. Her service is focused on them. I kept focusing on how I could help them and not who they really were, and so I was just focused on my talents and not on them as a person.
Another thing that came up with the topic of talents (which was my original thought at the beginning of that last paragraph) was a quote about underobserved gifts from Marvin J. Ashton's talk "There Are Many Gifts."

"Let us review some of these less-conspicuous gifts: the gift of asking; the gift of listening; the gift of hearing and using a still, small voice; the gift of being able to weep; the gift of avoiding contention; the gift of being agreeable; the gift of avoiding vain repetition; the gift of seeking that which is righteous; the gift of not passing judgment; the gift of looking to God for guidance; the gift of being a disciple; the gift of caring for others; the gift of being able to ponder; the gift of offering prayer; the gift of bearing a mighty testimony; and the gift of receiving the Holy Ghost.

"We must remember that to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God. It is our right and responsibility to accept our gifts and to share them. God’s gifts and powers are available to all of us."

The one that stood out to me in class (for obvious reasons) was "the gift of being able to weep." I had certainly never thought as it as a gift before. But so many aspects of our personalities are like that. Things that really make us who we are, that we may not like because it happens to be inconvenient at times. Not to say we should never try to change and grow. But maybe to be a little more hesitant to be critical.

An astute question from a student in my class: Are we making changes out of fear or love?
It's so much better to do something right because you want to go to heaven than because you don't want to go to hell. It's so much better to do something good for someone because you love them than because you are afraid of what they will do if you don't. I don't know. It just made me think.

In my Shakespeare class we are reading Taming of the Shrew watching the Elizabeth Taylor version where she plays opposite her husband. This brought up how people are always so interested in celebrities' love lives. At the end of the discussion my teacher made the comment, "It all comes down to sex." This frustrated me to no end although I didn't say anything. She just made this comment offhandedly as though it was so obvious that it wasn't really a part of the discussion just a fact to further prove her point. Like 2+2=4. She said it as though it was universally accepted and it was kind of silly for her to even be pointing out.**
But everything I know says that is so not true. I would say it all comes down to relationships. What we are really so interested in love and in whether or not their relationship really has love and what type of love it is (cause there are lots of types you know) and how they got a hold of it and if they can hold on to it.
But if we are being objective (which obviously I am not since this is my train of thought) that is just my point of view just as much as it all being about sex is my teacher's. (Even though I disagree with it even being just an opinion. I think that even in this there is such thing as a universal truth. We just can't always lock down those truths with human methods.)...
... BUT, if we are being objective:
It depends on whether you see (romantic) relationships as something that contribute to your sex life, or sex as something that contributes to your relationship.




*I think this relates to two reasons. I am more motivated when my guilt is related to another person and not just myself. And often (at least in the instances that I am referencing) these things are often just good things that I am deciding to do of my own free will. Me just trying to do good things that I have not necessarily be told or encouraged to do by some figure of even mild authority (e.g. church teacher, talks, scripture, home teacher, parent, etc.). And one of the most important things I can learn is how to "do many good things of [my] own freewill." Cause a lot of the time Heavenly Father won't be able to help guide me to where I need to be if I'm not moving at all.

**This frustrates me because it is so sneaky. You don't question. You don't even have a chance to think, Is that true? It just is and then it affects your perception of other things without you even realizing it. Sneaky.

Quote of the post: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself is changed, but that our power to it is increased."